For some of you, the affair really was a direct result of your actions as a spouse
Only by taking the volume down a level, and creating a safe environment where they can feel that they can open up to you about what’s going on inside them is real remorse likely to occur
Also, if you have truly abused your spouse – emotionally or physically, or both – or overtly neglected them, you won’t get remorse. And frankly you shouldn’t expect it. Few will be sorry if they had an affair on a truly shitty spouse.